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• Chivalry for the Modern Gentleman
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• God vs. a 9-year-old Indonesian kid working in a Nike sweatshop
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Newsflashes

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• Cartoonist to Draw Strip About Dog

Features

• Failed Biopics
• Me
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• There’s a New Sheriff[s] in Town

Newsflashes

• Alan Greenspan Pretty Sure New Best Friend is Actually CNN Obituary Writer
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• The Incredibly Hip Eatery

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• Pie Most Venomous
• Porn Director License Test

Newsflashes

• McCain and Guiliani Exploratory Committees Race to the Finish
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• Scientists Yet Again Start Work on Project Other than Rocket Car
• Incredibly Awesome Explosion Leaves 30 Dead, 60 Highly Entertained

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• My Rejected Sitcom
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• If Frat Boys Wrote Fortune Cookies
• Transformers They Don’t Want You to Know About
• Words From the Top

Newsflashes

• NY Times Reports: Lots of Asians Go to Cal
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• Masturbation Defeats Sex

Features

• Great Moments in the History of Invention
• The Truth About the Future
• Rumsfeld Resignation Address
• In-Class Drinking Games
• Homeless Comedians
• Invisimask Advertisement
• Back-Alley Mike’s School of Back-Alley Self-Defense
• Discount Wisdom
• Grey’s Anatomy
• Words From the Top

Newsflashes

• Really Hot Chick Rejected from Boalt
• Democrats Arrive in D.C. Reeling From Month-Long Celebration
• Rick Santorum?s Job Search Hits a Dead End on Monster.com
• Woman Drowns Virtual Pets
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• High-Brow Erotic Fanfiction
• Words from the Top

Newsflashes

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• Stephen Colbert Ironically Elected Governor of South Carolina

Top Tens

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Features

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Newsflashes

• Area Woman Clearly Wanted to be Raped, Murdered
• In Other News
• Sports Quickies
• Wal-Mart Enters into Heroin Retail Market

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• What If…Everything in Life Was Like Your First Time Having Sex?
• <i>Other</i> New Baby Einstein Videos
• The Diary of Judas
• Nerd Rehab
• Would You Rather Be Hung-Over or Over-Hung?
• Discount Wisdom
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• Murder! in Five Easy Steps

Newsflashes

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Top Tens

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Features

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• Urban Myths
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• Discount Wisdom

Newsflashes

• God Blamed For Global Disasters
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Top Tens

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