In their first day as the majority in both houses of Congress in over a decade, Democratic officials sheepishly stumbled up the steps of Capitol Hill forty-five minutes late for their first appointments, clutching oversized travel mugs of coffee and swigging handfuls of Tylenol.
“I will never do that many keg stands in one week again,” Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi muttered as she entered her new office. “I don’t remember anything after Obama started running around naked wearing a lampshade.” At press time, Speaker Pelosi had yet to discover the pictures on MySpace of half a dozen interns taking body shots of Jose Cuervo off of the third person in the Presidential succession line.
In the Senate there was some controversy as it was unclear exactly how many shooters Virginia Senator Jim Webb took. With a streaking wager at stake, the Democratic leadership immediately ordered a recount, exclaiming, “No matter what, you took it like a champ for a freshman.”
Ignoring that controversy, activities in both chambers of Congress continued at a reduced pace. “I move that we form a standing committee to get some fucking waffles,” Senator Harry Reid slurred under his breath while clutching his head.