Today we’re blessed to be interviewing two very gifted sports writers here about the Cal football team’s recent struggles.
First we have local CBS 5 Sports Director and host of The Last Honest Sports Show Dennis O’Donnell. Also present is John “Destroyer of Kegs” Buerkle from the Berkeley chapter of Delta Upsilon.
_ Q. Let’s get started with you, Dennis. What have we learned from Berkeley’s recent loss to the Oregon Ducks? _
O’Donnell: Well I think a close observer would notice how Cal has been suffering due to the weakness of their offensive line. Injuries played a big part of the Cal Golden Bear’s decline this year, and we’ve also seen coach Jeff Tedford struggle to adapt his coaching style to the team’s weaknesses at the quarterback and wide out positions.
_ Q. Now John, what’s your feeling on– _
Buerkle: FUCK AYOOB! FUCK AYOOB! Cock licking mother fucking son of a fucking whore bitch cock dick fucker, Ayoob. Stupid darkie dipshit Tom Holmoe mother shitter. Fuck AYOOB! FUCK AYOOB!
_ Q. Okay John, but what about Tedford’s decision to… _
Buerkle: Fucking giant gaping infected vagina piece of shit Ayoob pansy fartlicking turdsucking whorebag of a quarterback. How open does the receiver have to fucking be before you can throw a fucking pass to him you fucking piece of shit?!!! Oh boy, they’re gonna tackle you again, I guess you better throw the ball RIGHT UP THE MIDDLE TO THE OTHER TEAM you anal-rape-deserving beady-eyed junior-transfer cum-barrel!
O’Donnell: Now to be fair here John, Ayoob did…
Editor’s Note: The interview was stopped here after Mr. Buerkle tackled Mr. O’Donnell and, in the course of an apoplectic fit, collapsed in a heap on the ground. He was rushed to a nearby hospital, where, after making one last request that Cal Quarterback Joe Ayoob visit him on his deathbed, he then for hate’s sake spit his last breath at Ayoob, and, after he focused the sum of all the general rage and hate felt by his whole race from Adam down upon the Great White Failure, he then, as if his chest had been a mortar, burst his hot heart’s shell upon Ayoob.
Luckily, Ayoob escaped injury when he fumbled the heart and then dove out of bounds 40 yards inside of the Bear’s own territory. Fuck Ayoob.