Which Is More Useful: A Female vs. a 16th Century Map

We’ve all heard the old Bible verse: “Women are about as useful as a sixteenth-century map.” Let’s use science to figure out which one is better.

Map: When used with a sextet, could roughly predict direction for ships to sail during oceanic voyages (assuming polestar is visible)
Female: Uses sextet to plot days of inexplicable crying
Winner: MAP

Map: When rolled up, can be used for passable intercourse
Female: Intercourse is for transmuting fun into angry babies
Winner: MAP

Map: Early cartographic methods underestimated size of temperate latitude land masses
Female: Always gaining more weight, even when they think we don’t realize it. We do.
Winner: MAP

Map: Will give you directions to where you’re going
Female: Cries when she catches you trying to have sex with Map
Winner: MAP

Map: Were carefully preserved and never folded due to cost of creation
Female: Improperly folds my shirts
Winner: MAP

Map: Can be rolled up and placed into a tube
Female: Can be placed in a tube, messily
Winner: MAP

Map: Can’t cook or clean
Female: Can’t cook or clean either, but still more emotionally available than Map.

Someday, Map. Someday.
Winner: TIE