APPLYING FOR A JOB
Interviewer: Very nice, and your master’s degree was from Wesleyan as well?
Middle School Girl: Yes, sir.
Interviewer: Hmm, I think I’m missing the part of your resume where you list who asked you to the … Read More
Greetings! If you’re reading this then you’re a womyn or man who is choice of living a cruelty free lifestyle. Though some may be critical of harmonious existence, there are many excellent reasons to become a vegan:
… Read More
It happens every Saturday night all over America, in towns just like yours. Young people gather to have a few drinks, and those drinks turn into a few too many. Then, tragedy strikes: there’s no decent food around. In fact, … Read More
Baby Einstein videos are supposed to make your infant son or daughter smarter just by watching them. This from the same company that brought you Learn Korean While You Sleep, Study for the LSATS While You Watch Rocky II, and … Read More
When did nerds get the idea that it’s okay to be nerdy? I don’t recall seeing any Nerd Pride parades on the streets of Silicon Valley. But I guess if they tried that, they’d get wedgied and slammed into a … Read More
For Junkies, By Junkies
The Morning Show, with hosts Johnny Five and the Crazy Horse
Host: Hey, welcome to the morning show. Time right now is 6:32 pm.
Crazy Horse: They call me the Crazy Horse because I’m crazy about… wait, what?
Host: [… Read More
We’ve all heard the old Bible verse: “Women are about as useful as a sixteenth-century map.” Let’s use science to figure out which one is better.
Map: When used with a sextet, could roughly predict direction for ships to sail … Read More
In a paper published in the scientific journal Nature, behavioral scientists at Duke University have concluded that Dave Matthews is annoying in every conceivable way, up to and including his breathing. It was catalogued as “labored” and “having a … Read More
Palazzo Apartments, #205. El Cerrito
Satisfied regulars describe LC’s weed as “dank” and “where are my keys.” Service is “butt-slow,” however; calling an hour ahead is recommended “so he can wake up and answer the door.” Also, closed from … Read More
You: Honey, I’m home–what are you doing with that letter?
Her: [reading from letter] THIS RELATIONSHIP IS OVER.
You: What the fuck? I put all this time into it and all I get is a lousy note?
Her: PRODUCER – … Read More