A prominent figure living in exile. A thin, white, stubble-faced hero convinced of his messianic prowess reduced to hiding on a foreign continent. While this is eerily reminiscent of the horrors we fought to vanquish in Nazi Germany’s concentration camps … Read More
Tag Archives: feature
Squelch Guide to Socializing
Hey Freshmen,
As you probably figured out by now, college is a great time to socialize and make friends, but you may find doing this difficult at such a big school.
We here at the squelch prepared a handy guide … Read More
Words from the Top
Climbing the Ranks
Dear Readers,
Boy, this production has been a wild ride. We’ve committed some heinous acts in the name of comedy. We forced one of our best friends to take his pants off in a cold basement so we could photoshop … Read More
Words From The Top
A Rags to Deputy Creative Editor Story
Hello reader,
As the new deputy creative editors, we thought we’d give a few words of friendly advice to those who dream of holding the glamorous position that we hold today. Now look, we’re not “better” or “smarter” than any … Read More
William Henry Harrison: American Gentleman
Narrator: Most Americans are only familiar with the presidency of William Henry Harrison because of its morbid trivia, namely that it was cut short by death after a mere 32 days in office. What is all too often left unsaid … Read More
Welcome Week Packet for Incoming Freshmen, 1869
[A LETTER]
Dearest Students,
Salutations to the Second Freshman Class in the history of the University of California! Welcome to what will surely be the most celebrated university in this Golden State, provided an eccentric railroad baron does not build … Read More
HAVE YOU THOUGHT ABOUT ADDERALL?
Link Stockton, Drug Dealer
What’s got two thumbs and wants to help you graduate college?
This guy!
Would you like to…
- Study alone in your room for days?
-
Be awake until you see sunrise and then be awake some more?
-
Turn every activity of
Words from the Top
Some Ideas Are Not Very Good
Believe it or not, not everything submitted to the Squelch is a winner. If you haven’t noticed (because you’re not a writer or dedicated stalker), all of our submission information is on the bottom left corner of the opposite page. … Read More
Man Wears Clearly Ironic Shirt Non-Ironically
San Francisco resident Jake Moyle surprised fashion critics this week by believing the sentiment expressed on his ironic T-shirt. The shirt, purchased at a Goodwill on Mission and 19th Street, ironically displays a picture of former president George W. … Read More
Things I Wouldn’t Mind Raising Tuition For
With all the talk of budget cuts and fee hikes, no one has considered the blunt reality: tuition increases could be totally awesome. Sure, there are a few drawbacks, but here’s some of the cool shit we could afford if … Read More
