Atom & Eve is the first atomic dating site for atoms by atoms. While other atomic dating sites base their matches on superficial criteria like the number of your valence electrons, our sophisticated matching algorithm takes into account factors you … Read More
Tag Archives: feature
Modern Family Spin-offs
Sure the tender, off-beat comedy Modern Family has been successful, but FOX’s all-new Fall line-up takes “modern” to its rightful blasé extreme. Never before has one night of television so encapsulated the modern spirit and showed America what’s really real. … Read More
Celebrities: They’re Better than Us!
Brought to you by Us Weekly
UPDATE! Lindsay Lohan and Sam Ronson have been spotted eating lunch together. Sources report they’re planning to teach us all to love again.
-Will Smith’s dogs are smarter than most college graduates.
-500 Sudanese refugees have found shelter in George … Read More
Scholarship Station
Lesser-Known Berkeley Scholarships
We at the Heuristic Squelch know that the last thing you want to think about is money, but these obscure campus scholarships might be your only chance to graduate without a second mortgage on your kidneys. Just remember, some some … Read More
Ted “Deathfuker” Quinn’s Finishing School for Men
Hello Potential Customer,
I’m Ted “Deathfuker” Quinn, proud owner and operator of Deathfuker’s School for Etiquette and Deportment. We at Deathfuker’s are committed to transforming candy asses into confident and successful citizens through an intensive ten-step program.
Step 1: … Read More
How WikiLeaks Has Changed the World
The impact of WikiLeaks’ crusade for transparency has extended well beyond the United States, leading to public revelations that have engulfed countless world governments in scandals, threatening to shake them to their core. This map is a handy primer to … Read More
Heuristic Squelch’s Treasury of Soul-Crushing Quotes
- Beggars can’t be choosers, but choosers could be beggars after one little fuck-up.
- If at first you don’t succeed, you’re a fucking failure.
- I think therefore I’m sad.
- A bird in the hand would peck your eyes out if it
Welcome Week Packet for Incoming Freshmen, 1869
[A LETTER]
Dearest Students,
Salutations to the Second Freshman Class in the history of the University of California! Welcome to what will surely be the most celebrated university in this Golden State, provided an eccentric railroad baron does not build … Read More
HAVE YOU THOUGHT ABOUT ADDERALL?
Link Stockton, Drug Dealer
What’s got two thumbs and wants to help you graduate college?
This guy!
Would you like to…
- Study alone in your room for days?
-
Be awake until you see sunrise and then be awake some more?
-
Turn every activity of
Words from the Top
Some Ideas Are Not Very Good
Believe it or not, not everything submitted to the Squelch is a winner. If you haven’t noticed (because you’re not a writer or dedicated stalker), all of our submission information is on the bottom left corner of the opposite page. … Read More
