Celebrities: They’re Better than Us!

Brought to you by Us Weekly

UPDATE! Lindsay Lohan and Sam Ronson have been spotted eating lunch together. Sources report they’re planning to teach us all to love again.

-Will Smith’s dogs are smarter than most college graduates.

-500 Sudanese refugees have found shelter in George Clooney’s kind eyes.

-Orange people are better than regular people!

-Our resident scientist says that Justin Bieber’s smile may be an unlimited source of minty clean energy.

-We’ve obtained Charlie Sheen’s most recent restaurant order. Very impressive order! (receipt/check says “Cheese Pizza, Beers”, handwritten)

-Ashton Kutcher can derive more joy from a baby’s laugh than a common man.

-FACT: 100% of celebrities go to heaven

-NEWS FLASH: All Hollywood janitors fired after execs remembered that celebrities make no mess.