As the new deputy creative editors, we thought we’d give a few words of friendly advice to those who dream of holding the glamorous position that we hold today. Now look, we’re not “better” or “smarter” than any of you, but if we happen to be better looking and more fun to talk to, then so be it. But we weren’t always such big shots in the college comedy magazine circuit. We used to be unassuming, hopeful young writers just waiting for our big break. Now, after some good old fashioned spunk and stick-to-it-ive-ness, here we are, deputy creative editors of one of the most well-bound comedy magazines on campus. But don’t worry, we’re not in it for the perks. Don’t get us wrong, the foot-massages and foot-happy-endings are nice, but it’s always been about taking the time to mock the things we hate.
Anyway, what we’ve been meaning to say is that anybody can be deputy creative editors. All you need is some gumption, elbow grease and rich parents. Rich, rich parents. Didn’t we mention that earlier? We remember our first Squelch meeting, when we came in with nothing more than a few good ideas, a can-do attitude, and custom-tailored Italian suits. The editors looked us right in the eyes and said, “Boys, someday you are going to give us a lot of money.” And like so many prophecies of old it too came to fruition. Tireless hours of work and six cashier’s checks later, we were on our way straight to the top.
We hope this has been helpful to all you starry-eyed young readers with sizable trust funds. If you think you can change this magazine for the better, or want to help pay for the Squelch’s jet skis, then you’re well on your way to following in our solid gold footsteps.
-Woodrow Currie & Graham Riley
Deputy Creative Editors