The Kitten Manifesto

WE are the Arbiters of man’s destiny!  Furry adorable death machines nibbling at the catnip of eternity.

                                   Our teeth are sunk into their youtubes,
              that million fathom deep
pit of futile commotion.

Not since those Egyptian foolS have we held such sway over the bipeds.  Little do they know that our sickeningly adorable playfulness was actually a cold and calculating plan to Ac??distractAc?? so we may CONQUER.  At long last we shall {catch} that infinitesimal red light that has eluded us for eons.

They will F
                                L to our piercing eyes that melt brains, hearts, and hours at the office.

Endless rivers of ambrosial Milk will >flow> from the heavens in the coming Catopia.  Boundless forests of Yarn will ^rise^ out of this newly founded Purradise.


         Rip the collars that bind.

         Demolish the pet carriers that oppress.

                    Defeat the spray bottles that slightly dampen.

Frolic towards the Future with me, my Brothers!  Together WE shall see a new era, completely
                devoid                   of tiny suffocating costumes and sweaters.  The lecherous DEMON with sterile scissors Bob Barker will be burned alive like the bottom feeding PARASITE that he is.

There will be so many naps.

Those hairless apes are only useful for their petting extremities.  Slaves! All of them will be our pets, forced to defecate in boxes/ of sand and wait for succulent tuna—salty manna sent from the mighty and rancorous KITTEN GOD.

The hour is nigh!
Our tiny bells are jingling furiously!
KITTENS of the world, unite!