[A LETTER]
Dearest Students,

Salutations to the Second Freshman Class in the history of the University of California! Welcome to what will surely be the most celebrated university in this Golden State, provided an eccentric railroad baron does not build … Read More

**Reading Comprehension

**

After reading the following passages, choose the best answer for each question.

1.

Which of the following best summarizes the main point the author is trying to make?

A)“Zippers are a menace.”

B)“Proper pubic hair maintenance is … Read More

Gatorade, the greatest sports drink ever drunk, was developed by the University of Florida in order to provide something to say about the University of Florida during lulls in conversation. Since that time, Gatorade has refused to rest on its … Read More

Congratulations on graduating, and welcome to the exciting world of adulthood. The following reviews are meant to help you, the idiot, choose your future wisely.

Graduate School

Because life doesn’t begin at conception, it begins at 29!

Synopsis: Remember when … Read More

I cannot say that Jim was my best friend.

I cannot even say that Jim was my close friend. Jim was my roommate, and my roommate only, and it’s true what they say: you don’t really miss something until it’s … Read More

My life is pretty much da bomb. I’m not only wealthy, but I have plenty of money and am not poor. Yes, you could say I have absolutely everything a human being could ever possibly need for a lifetime of … Read More

The epitome of physical creation was born in an African hospital yesterday to Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie. The child, whom one doctor described as “a hallelujah chorus giving my soul a blowjob at the center of God,” is so … Read More