The Edge Dulls

Scene 1

Frightened Man : [waking up] What … what’s going on? What is this!?
Saw : This is the game.
FM : Where are my glasses, I can’t see!
Saw : These are the rules. In the center of the room is a chair. Underneath the chair, I have placed your glasses. You must wait in this room for ten hours. This is the choice: If you sit on the chair, your glasses will be crushed. And if you do not … [dramatic pause] your hips are going to get pretty tired.
FM : Oh no, that’s so … inconvenient.
Saw : Yes, exactly.
FM : Couldn’t I just sit on the ground?

[a pause to think]
Saw : It’s really dirty.
FM : But, like, I was just passed out on the floor, so this jacket’s ruined anyway…
Saw : No it’s awful, really awful. I never clean it.
FM : [settling in] Mmm. This is actually really comfortable. Good for the back.

Scene 4

FM : Where’s the key?
Saw : In your stomach. [evil laugh]
FM : …So I can just wait to poop it out?
Saw : Yes!
FM : I dunno, that doesn’t seem so bad. I mean I’ve had kidney stones before so–
Saw : Just wait until you have poo all over your hands. It’s gonna be terrible.
FM : [pointing to a hideous contraption going into his jaw] Okay, so what does this thing on my face do?
Saw : I thought your teeth looked pretty crooked.

Scenes from Scene 9 (Flashback)

FM1 : [waking] Uuugh, my head.
FM2 : [waking] Fuck, where are we?
Saw : Listen closely. At your current heart rate, this room will be devoid of oxygen in 30 minutes, and you will asphyxiate. The door is electronically set to open after 60 minutes. The only way to survive is to kill your best friend using this convenient pneumatic drill press.
FM1 : What about that window up there?
Saw : Oh. It’s stuck. I think the painters painted over it.
FM2 : There’s a trick for when that happens. You have to pull inwards before pushing out. Here, Bill, climb on my shoulders…
Saw : Stop, that’s dangerous. Uh, the window is covered in poison and in order to get the antidote you’ll, um, have to kiss each other. Like, a serious mouth kiss. Hello? Guys? Hello?

Scene 22 (CGI not done)

Saw : [setting up torture machine]
Groggy Man : [waking] Huh? Where am I?
Saw : Shit, you weren’t supposed to wake up now…can you go back to sleep for a while?
GM : Um… what are you doing with that drill?
Saw : I’m, uh, a carpenter. I’m fixing this chair you fell asleep in.
GM : Oh, I see. Are you fixing all these chains, too?
Saw : Yes. They’re…wood chains. They need some more nails.
GM : Oh, nails, okay. That explains it; I think you may have accidentally dropped some into my crotch and then accidentally hammered them in.
Saw : Yeah. I’ll get to those in a second.
GM : It’s cool. Y’know, it looks like you’re using a bit that’s too big to attach this iron maiden mask. You might just want to go with a regular screwdriver if you’re trying to–
Saw : Fuck it. [Shoots him]