Chimpanzee to Star as Next Triple X

The producers of the Triple X Franchise recently revealed the star of the next Triple X installment: “Triple X: Master of Illusions”. The film features BooBoo, a primate of the Pan Paniscus or “Bonobo” Chimpanzee species in the lead role. Opposite him is Jessica Alba, who plays a 21-year-old Brazilian scientist being pursued by a group of Swiss Rebels who are seeking to transport nuclear arms across international borders by masquerading as super models.

However, Hollywood insiders have reported tension on the set. “Given that Vin Diesel and Ice Cube starred in the last two films, we thought casting a chimp in the title role would be the best way to make the Triple X character feel consistent,” says director Lee Tamahori. “But BooBoo is too witty and charming. Hell, he wouldn’t even take the role until we flew Jane Goodall in to read the script to him.” Ultimately, BooBoo finally agreed to the part when executives offered him points on the gross and a verbal promise not to euthanize him after he had completed the talk show circuit.

But the film’s problems did not end there. Producers have complained that they’ve needed “a prince’s fucking ransom” of Adderal to get Jessica Alba up to speed for her scenes with the monkey. Alba’s agent quickly asserted that “[that] monkey just likes big words, ok, and Jessica has always been more in touch with the common man than that.” Alba attempted to add to this, but coherence eluded her, and after placing a piece of gum in her mouth, she began to walk away before suddenly stumbling.