Top Ten Signs the Spark Has Gone out of your Serial-Killer / Victim Relationship

  1. Can’t kill you unless he’s had a few beers first
  2. Won’t say I love you back
  3. Always kills you with his eyes closed
  4. Business card trademark not as cool or complicated as old blood of fifty orphans spread across a dog trademark
  5. Knows what you did last summer; doesn’t care
  6. Keeps asking you if you’ll let him do two victims at the same time
  7. Bitches about gas prices the whole way up to the haunted house
  8. Kills you in the first ten minutes and spends the rest of the film filling out police reports
  9. Tells you it’s gonna hurt him more than it’s gonna hurt you
  10. Asks you to put the lotion on the skin but doesn’t mention anything about a hose