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- Words From the Top
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- How I Met My Identical Twin Brother
- Being a Rich Student Isn’t all that Easy
- Which Is More Useful: A Female vs. a 16th Century Map
- From the Notebook of Ben Hoffman, Child Anthropologist
- The Many Lives of That Douche
- Silver Lining Those Clouds of Death
- Last Words of Old People
Newsflashes
- MONEY: Argentina Discontinues Use of Kitten Currency
- Popular Children’s Books Recalled
- Interview of the Week
- Viewership Soars as Baseball Reveals Bold Plan
Top Tens
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- Top Fifteen Signs Your Wife is Cheating on You with a Horse
- Top Twenty Top Ten Lists Containing the Entry “Laser Penis”
- Top Ten Civil War Nouns as Made Vaguely Inappropriate by a 10 year old
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