MONEY: Argentina Discontinues Use of Kitten Currency

In a 26-14 decision Thursday, Parliament voted to discontinue the use of kittens as currency in the financially-ravaged South American nation of Argentina.

Said spokesman Nicholas Garcia-Sege, “They don’t fit into a standard wallet. Vendors have begun to sell wallets with special ‘Kitten Compartments’ but frankly, they’re just slots with a hole for the tails, which the kittens then fall out of.”

Many citizens complained when their legal tender began to die for lack of food. This led officials to issue reminders to feed the kittens. Unfortunately, kitten food could only be purchased with kittens. The irony was simply too much to handle. Furthermore, those accustomed to storing their wallets in their back pocket found the habit difficult to break. “The results were rather ghastly,” commented Garcia-Sege.

The final nail in the coffin for the new currency came when eight-year-old Ramone Alazar stepped up to the cashier to pay for his school lunch. “It cost $3.50,” he cried. And cried.