On Tuesday, scientists at Lawrence Berkeley Labs disproved the popular preexisting theory that everbody poops. The discovery was made after scientists spent two years observing test subject Ken Johnson. Johnson, a 20-year-old male from El Cerrito, has yet to poop. Ever.
As news of the discovery has spread, the popular pro-universal-defecation children’s book Everybody Poops has come under increasing fire, leading to a massive recall of all copies of the book. After consultation with school board officials across the country, the book’s publishers have agreed to re-release the book with the following disclaimer label on the cover:
“This textbook discusses pooping, a controversial theory some scientists present as a scientific explanation for the origin of poop, such as turds, shits, and feces. No one was present when poop first appeared on earth. Therefore, any statement about poop’s origins should be considered as theory, not fact.”
