Top Fifteen Signs Your Wife is Cheating on You with a Horse

You married a slutty horse
Hideous centaur children
Douches with molasses, apples and salt
Find the words “Mrs. Ed” written lovingly all over her day-planner
Everytime you answer the phone, hear 4 minutes of a horse trying to hang up a phone with its teeth
Gets confused in the morning and tries to nail your shoes to your feet
Don’t remember being able to fit your entire foot in her vagina
The very first time you can’t get it up, she tries to get a veterinarian to come out and shoot you in the head
Complains you aren’t capable of meeting her emotional needs or dragging a plow
For Halloween went as the front end of a horse, but the back end of the horse had a head and was fucking her
She no longer freaks out when you take a crap right in the middle of
Has taken to yelling, “Of course, of course!” at her moment of climax.
Always comes home with hay in her hair . . . and horse semen
Keeps making up new positions like “bare back”
Her panties are often inexplicably filled with oats