Alameda Police have recently taken into custody a Mr. Les Warner, confessed nymphokilliac and cannibal. Though charged with over 50 different capital offenses, Warner was quick to release a public statement claiming all of his actions stem from simple misunderstandings.
“Well, wearing a dress like that—especially in her own apartment—you could totally tell she wanted to get murdered and have her bones turned into chairs. I mean c’mon people, it was as plain as the look of fear on her face.” Elaborating further on the event, Mr. Warner continued, “Her voice, teeth, nails, and kicks may have said no, but her strappy sandals told an entirely different story. Frankly, I don’t see why I’m the one on trial… I mean, what? She woke up in the morning and put on that halter-top because she DIDN’T want me to drown her in my fish tank?”
As of this time it is unclear whether Warner himself is looking forward to being raped and murdered at Chino State Penitentiary.
