McCain and Guiliani Exploratory Committees Race to the Finish

Tensions mounted in the Republican Party over the weekend as the exploratory committees for Senator John McCain (R – AZ) and former New York Mayor Rudy Giuliani came closer and closer to reaching the South Pole.

“The polling data suggests that we are going to bury those fuckers in a landslide, both electorally and snowily,” an anonymous staffer on McCain’s committee shouted as he fed the group’s sled dogs. Earlier in the week it had appeared likely that Giuliani would reach the pole first, but his committee failed to reach quorum after half of its members killed and ate the other half.

Screaming himself hoarse as the snow and wind battered his already scarred face, Deputy Political Director Rick Wiley argued passionately that the Giuliani committee’s new snowman and penguin members were just as qualified as the men they replaced.

Thinking about it further he shouted, “Shit, why didn’t we just eat the penguins?!” He then sank to the ground in disgust and retched up part of conservative commentator Robert Novak.

Most Democrats declined to comment on the situation, as they were busy preparing their teams for the “Running Man” portion of the Democratic presidential primaries.