- Which of these best describes your man’s look:
a. Fresh, stylish, and clean-cut.
b. Casual, scruffy, disheveled.
c. Easily mistaken for a floating log.
- What’s the most romantic thing he’s likely to do:
a. Send you a love note just because.
b. Forget your anniversary.
c. Ambush a drinking zebra.
- How does your man act around kids:
a. He’s 100% Mr. Mom!
b. He’s just as immature as they are.
c. He incubates them in a nest of compost and swamp vegetation.
- At the mall, he’s most likely to:
a. Give you helpful tips on which shoes are cutest.
b. Take a nap in a dressing room.
c. Stealthily slip into the Cinnabon stand and devour the employees.
- When you tell him about your new promotion at work, he:
a. Gives you a big kiss and takes you out for a night on the town.
b. Asks you to stop blocking the TV.
c. Stares uncomprehendingly before lunging at the cameraman.
- When your man needs to relax he:
a. Takes his iPod and goes for a run.
b. Invites 20 of his closest buddies over for a raging kegger.
c. Waddles into the water and lowers his body temperature to a near-death level.
- When a gorgeous girl walks by the two of you he:
a. Laughs and reminds you that you’re prettier.
b. Watches her walk away before whistling under his breath.
c. Slowly blinks his nictitating third eyelid, cleaning and lubricating his eye using fluid from his lacrymal ducts and allowing him to see clearly underwater in low light situations.
- His technique in the bedroom:
a. Attentive, affectionate, and selfless.
b. Wham, bam, thank you ma’am!
c. Biting down on your neck and going into a spine-snapping death roll.
- When taking you to dinner, he:
a. Always picks up the check.
b. Pretends he “forgot” his wallet.
c. Takes a raw chicken in his jaws and whips it around violently, tearing it into pieces so he can messily swallow it in ragged chunks.
- Which of these is mostly likely to put him in the mood?
a. A romantic candle-lit evening, a roaring fire, and sensual music.
b. A few beers and any rerun of Baywatch.
c. Female crocodiles.
SCORING:
Add 2 points for every A answer, 1 point for every B answer, and 0 points for every C answer.
If your man scored:
15 -20 points: He’s a keeper! Hold on to this one tight, and make sure he puts a ring on your finger!
2-14 points: Kick him to the curb! This guy is a total dud and is probably poor as well!
0-1 points: Your man is a large, carnivorous, water-dwelling reptile native to rivers along the tropic. It is suggested you contact animal control or your local authorities. In the mean time, you should probably run.
