Top Ten Signs Your Partner is a Cannibal

  1. Foreplay involves complimentary bread
  2. Tosses your salad with Ranch and croutons
  3. Wants it 3 times a day
  4. Breaks up with you by saying, “It’s not you, it’s my high cholesterol”
  5. Uses a napkin as a Dental Dam
  6. Gives you hand jobs with a hot dog bun
  7. Adds carrots and onions to the hot tub
  8. Gave you A1-brand cologne
  9. Insists on lubricating with gravy
  10. Hickeys require band-aids