Features
- Words From the Top
- Upwardly Mobile Dog Seeks Less Homeless Owner
- Brad and Angelina Give Birth to Blindingly Perfect Being
- What If…Everything in Life Was Like Your First Time Having Sex?
- <i>Other</i> New Baby Einstein Videos
- The Diary of Judas
- Nerd Rehab
- Would You Rather Be Hung-Over or Over-Hung?
- Discount Wisdom
- Jobs For Double Majors
Newsflashes
- Carjackers Rejoice Over “Ghostridin’ the Whip” Trend
- Unemployment Rate Skyrockets
- Bonds Steroid Indictment Stalled
Top Tens
- Top Ten Reasons to Stop Going to That Jewish Strip Club
- Top Ten Lamest Things to Buy With a Million Dollars
- Top Five Things You May or May Not Hear in a Leper Colony
- Top Ten Other Things That Happen Every Ten Seconds
- Top Ten Signs Sex with a Polar Bear Is Going Poorly
- Top Ten Diseases You Wish You Had
- Top Ten Pornographic Movies Featuring Sex with a Miner
