Woman Drowns Virtual Pets

On the night of October 17th, Mary Hensler of Alameda placed her two Tamagotchi alongside her Pokemon Blue game pak in the back seat of her car. With her passengers secured, Hensler placed a brick on the accelerator on the banks of Ocean Beach. The car surged into the rushing surf where the virtual animals met a briny end.

“Virtual God told me to do it,” Hensler said tearily at a press conference. “Virtual Jesus said it was cool too,” she added, sobbing. Local authorities have yet to determine on what counts Hensler will be charged with.

Asked about the pending case Police Chief John Andrews said, “This is a huge waste of my time.”