WORLD: Middle East Peace Process Totally Fucked

With Israeli Prime Minister Ariel Sharon’s life hanging in the balance at Hadassah Hospital in Jerusalem, the Mid-East Peace Process is fucked. And I don’t mean “you scratched mom’s new car” fucked, I mean “you accidentally dumped that whole ounce of magic mushrooms into the cake for the church Bake Sale” fucked.

This is truly an epic fucking. I participated in The Houston 500, where buxom adult film star Houston fucked 500 guys in a row. Compared to the current state of the Middle East Peace Process, the Houston 500 was a kid who couldn’t figure out how to work the condom on Prom Night.

Let me try and illustrate how fucked the Peace Process is. Imagine you’re walking down an alley in the middle of the night and you get jumped by a group of cannibalistic ex-cons who plan on using your teeth as facial piercings after they’ve made stew of your beaten and mangled carcass. Imagine that as you’re dying you remember that you left the iron on in your apartment, and your final mortal thought is of Grandma perishing in the flames because you couldn’t turn off an appliance. Also your whole family has syphilis. In that case, you’re still not as fucked as the Middle East Peace Process is.

Upon hearing the state of Sharon, Iran was said to be “wicked stoked.”