Urban Myths

Myth: A penny placed on the tracks will derail a train.
Status: False. Trains can only be derailed when an interracial child is born. It’s God’s way of saying no.

Myth: On average, a person eats eight spiders a year.
Status: True. The key here is to remember that this is an average. The truth of the matter is that most people never eat spiders, and Albert Dugary of Born, Michigan eats approximately 50 billion a year, or 98,000 a second. He’s single.

Myth: Your hair and your fingernails continue to grow after you die.
Status: True. Nails to fight other zombies, hair to impress other zombies.

Myth: A person needs eight glasses of water each day in order to avoid dehydration.
Status: False, unless water means vodka and dehydration means inconsolable weeping.

Myth: Our universe is just a tiny molecule in an even larger universe.
Status: Put down the bong and get a job.

Myth: After eating, always wait 45 minutes before swimming.
Status: It doesn’t matter; one out of every million times you’re gonna explode when you hit the water anyway.

Myth: You only use 10% of your brain.
Status: True, but you were trapped underwater in that car for an awfully long time.

Myth: Amish couples have sex through sheets.
Status: True. That’s why you must never let your children dress up as ghosts for Halloween if you live in Pennsylvania.