What if Karl Marx Lived in a Co-Op?

Marx participates in the system of collectivist production!

Co-opper: Hey Marx, dinnertime!
Marx: Finally! What are we having?
Co-opper: Tofu and eggplant casserole, fruit we got from Dumpster diving, and some dirt we found in the yard.
Marx: That’s repulsive. How do you expect me to have the strength to lead the working people of the world on a diet like that?
Co-opper: Hey, maybe if you actually did your cooking work-shift once in a while. Doesn’t your system depend on the willing contributions of all of the members of society?
Marx: Well, yeah, but I didn’t mean ME.

Weekly Sunday Co-Op Meeting

Co-opper: Okay, so we’re all decided on a vote of 22 to 1, we will be purchasing that new HD TV.
Co-opper 2: Alright, now for the second part of our agenda. Now I don’t want to name names, but a certain individual has been using up all of the co-op’s paper to print thousands of pamphlets written in German and–
Marx: This form of rudimentary democratic governance is a ruse! It simply seeks to lend legitimacy to the dicta of an elite bourgeoisie ruling class, composed of the kid whose dad is a lawyer and that Asian girl whose mom works for Channel 4!
Co-opper: Now, Marx, we’ve–
Marx: And more importantly, you’re crazy to buy a plasma screen at that price! Don’t you realize we could get a CRT at that size for half that!?!

Marx rallies the young, willing soldiers of the proletariat to fight for the great cause of socioeconomic equality!

Marx: Well, are you all ready?
Co-opper: Ready for what?
Marx: The overthrow of the oppressive bourgeois! That’s what we’re in a co-op for, right?
Co-opper: No, not really. Cheap housing and easy access to drugs is what brought me here.
Co-opper 2: Don’t forget wallowing in your own filth.
Co-opper: And the crusty sex.
Marx: Bah! You’re just bourgeoisie in disguise as lumpenproletariat, paying lip service to the downtrodden laborer while letting him suffer!
Co-opper: So you’re saying you don’t want in on the 3 o’clock gangbang?
Marx: …I’ll be quiet.

Marx tries to get some revolutionary ass!

Marx: Hey, Lisa. I enjoyed your poem, “The Wail of The Earthmother’s Vagina.” It was very…poemy.
Lisa: Thanks! But call me Starfyre!
Marx: Sure, whatever. Anyway, do you want to go get some fair-trade organic coffee with me sometime?
Starfyre: Sounds good! How’s Thursday sound?
Marx: Not good. I’m flyering on Sproul all day. Sunday OK?
Starfyre: Can’t, that’s the day the house gets together to pick the lice from each others’ bodies.

Marx stands firm on his beliefs!

Co-opper: Hey Marx, I have a question.
Marx: Let’s hear it, comrade.
Co-opper: If you predicted a rise of pauperism, how come standards of living are at an alltime high?
Marx: Well, uh, that’s easy. You see, the, uh, index of..
Co-opper: Of what?
Marx: Uhhhhhhhh. Well if you look closely at Das Kapital, you’ll see that…Look, a girl that doesn’t shave!
Co-opper: WHERE!?

Marx enjoys the vibrant co-op social life!

Crystal: Hey K-dog, let’s go hot-tubbing. The water’s warm, the jets are on, and the chlorine should have taken care of the herpes by now.
Marx: Sorry guys. I have a paper for my Labor History class due. I need to do well on this one because I failed my last midterm.
Crystal: Bummer.
Marx: Yeah, but at least I have this awesome beard.