Howard Stern Moves to Satellite

After a brief hiatus from the airwaves, DJ Howard Stern returned to radio on the Sirius Satellite Network. Media analysts expected Stern’s millions of loyal viewers to make the switch to satellite radio, but the superstar shock jock’s reception was lukewarm.

“Holy fuck it’s cold up here,” were Stern’s first words from his small capsule in geo-synchronous orbit. “I wish I brought some God damned sunglasses.”

Stern, apparently unclear on the satellite radio concept, was launched into space on the 9th of this month.

Mel Karmazin, CEO of Sirius, was furious. “He said he knew what satellite radio was. If he’s unhappy now, I can’t wait to see him two years from now when his contract runs out,” Karmazin said.

The rhyming of “Sirius” with “furious” was intentional.