Features
- Famous Fred’s Vegetarian House of Meats
- Menage a Threesome
- If Getting into Heaven Were Like Getting into College
- An Introduction to Boozes for the New College Man
- Warren G, You Useless, Useless Bastard: A Critical Study
- What This Sci-Fi Movie Needs is Some Quasi-Philosophical Elements and Overt Judeo-Christian Symbolism
- Words From The Top
- Obscure Moments In Film History
Newsflashes
- Freshman Decides to Be Asian
- Local Man Starts Stereotypes
- Pre-Med Inconvenienced by Roommate’s Masturbation
- Tang Center Administers Pamphlet
- Co-ed Discovers the Joy of Balls
- Foothill Freshman Boils, Preserves Penis in Mason Jar
- Student Unable to Answer Prayers
- Study Shows Conservatives to be Pee-Fetishists
- Clown Happy; Ironic Postmodernists Confused
- Budget Cuts Force Release of Intelligent Monkeys
Top Tens
- Top Two Unanswered Requests of God
- Top Eleven Least Sexy Porn Star Names
- Top Ten Ways to Meet a Girl at Berkeley
- Top Ten Gums that Cure Erectile Dysfunction
- Top Ten Warning Signs Your Date is a Date-Rapist
- Top Ten Makeshift Hairbrushes
- Top Ten Reasons to Kick Someone in the Shins
- Top Ten Subject Lines for Penis Enlargement Spam
- Top Seven Things You’ll Find While Driving Lost in a Movie
- Top Five Foolish Things to Sell Your Soul For
