Famous Fred’s Vegetarian House of Meats

Made with only the highest quality meats from animals that deserved to die

Sirloin Steak Skewers $17.95

Fred lets you be judge, jury, and executioner when you order his scrumptious sliced top sirloin made exclusively from child-molesting cattle. Marinated in a Szechwan sauce with chili, garlic, cayenne pepper, and sweet justice. Served with Famous Fries and coleslaw.

Baby Back Ribs $18.95 Half-rack $12.95

A half or full rack, seasoned, marinated and slow-roasted ’til the meat falls off the bone of a treasonous porcine criminal. Every inch of these bastard commie pigs is smothered in our own Famous Fred’s mesquite sauce.

Steakhouse Smoked Salmon $18.95

Help make the oceans safer with our delicious sex-crime salmon. Enjoy Fred’s Secret Sauce on a fish convicted on three counts of rape and incest with rich smoky flavor and a twist of lemon. Add a side of grilled prawns that held up a convenience store last month for just $3.49.

Grilled Chicken Caesar Salad $12.95

An 8 oz. boneless chicken breast marinated and fire-grilled to perfection. Our chickens are culled from the finest prisons and all were serving time on assault charges, so you know they’re low fat and flavorful. Served warm over a generous portion of fresh Caesar salad, topped with grated Parmesan cheese.

Coconut Shrimp $14.95

Large shrimp hand-breaded in our homemade batter, smothered in coconut, and crispy fried. Your guilt drifts away when you learn that our shrimp are low in sodium and awaited sentencing for embezzlement and money laundering when they were cooked. Served with our Black Cherry Marmalade sauce.

Filet Mignon $22.95

Our most tender cut of lean beef tenderloin, hand-cut and trimmed, and grilled to order is made fresh from cows that were convicted of tax evasion between the fiscal years 1997 and 2001. Includes Fred’s Haystack Onion Strings.

Veal Milanese $25.95

Enjoy the scrumptious, vengeful tastes of thyme and basil in every bite of Fred’s veal cutlets. Each tender morsel is made from baby cows that failed to respond to jury summons and is instead serving duty in your tummy.

Fred’s Famous Halibut $19.95

Dude, that fish totally looked at me wrong.