Co-ed Discovers the Joy of Balls

After a 21-year streak of chastity almost Victorian in its scope and vigor, student Samantha Gilroy recently came face to face with a pair of testicles for the very first time. Her overwhelmingly positive reaction to the event is touching people across the globe.

“I mean, they really get a bum wrap,” Gilroy explained adamantly of the testes.

“All I’d ever heard about the balls was ‘smelly’ this and ‘hairy’ that. But at the end of the day, I found them to be rather delightful, and only pleasantly fuzzy.”

After her successful initial run-in with the male gonads, Gilroy is exploring new ways to share her pro-balls message with others. “I really like the idea of a national TV campaign, like those commercials with little people running around dressed as eggs after they realized that eggs don’t raise your cholesterol.”

“Yeah, I mean, they could even use those costumes — just slap some paint and hair on a couple of them, and you’re good to go.”

When Gilroy’s beau was reached for comment, he simply kept reiterating his disappointment that she hadn’t embraced his “mighty wang” with similar zeal.