Features
- Squelch Monologue Corner
- I Can Impregnate All of You
- If Everything in Life Were Like a Rejection Letter from Harvard Law School
- King of the Co-ops
- In Love With the Love Bug
- Zagat Guide: East Coast
- Four Friends Is Plenty
- Chemistry 3A:
- Words from the Top
- A Conversation with Merlin
Newsflashes
- Whites angered by Cal B-Ball Admissions Criteria
- Declaring Things Dead Pronounced Dead
- Kiddy Drawing Just A Bunch of Cliches
- Porno Actress Upset by Father’s Porno Viewing
- Nomenclature Fever Seizes Washington
- Ex-“Glitter Grrrl” No Longer Believes in Faeries
- Man Gives Up Celibacy for Lent
- Wrong Mommy’s Legs Followed
- Seth Green Accepts Supporting Role in Seth Green Story
Top Tens
- Top Ten Things Porn Stars Do After Work
- Top Twelve Items in a “Hi-Tech Burrito”
- Top Ten Products and Activities in the Futuristic Dystopia Envisioned in the Film “Rollerball”
- Top Five Sentences Containing All 26 Letters of the English Alphabet
- Top Ten Pornographic California License Plates
- Top Ten Things to Say While Leading a Campus Tour
- Top Ten Porn Cereals
- Top Ten Jeopardy Categories
- Top Ten Times to Look Down a Girl’s Shirt
- Top Ten Reasons to Raise the Fence Around Berkeley High
