A Conversation with Merlin

MERLIN: Oh, you did know already. Right. Well, it will be a privilege to speak with you

HS: Good morning Merlin. It’s truly a privilege to speak with you here today. Your ability to predict the future is unparalleled. I guess that’s because you experience time backwards relative to the rest of us, huh?

MERLIN: Many, many things. You may not have heard this, but the reason I am able to predict the future is that I experience time backwards relative to most people.

HS: Actually, we have heard that. We just said it. So, what can you tell us about the future?

MERLIN: To tell the truth, I don’t really know yet.

HS: Okay, that’s a letdown. But we’ll wait. For now, how about something about your past?

MERLIN: I should think it would be fairly obvious by now.

HS: Really? How do you figure?

MERLIN: It has its disadvantages. For example, it can be very difficult just carrying on a conversation with people.

HS: I’m beginning to see what you mean.

MERLIN: Well, for one thing, seeing the future isn’t all wine and roses.

HS: Why is that? Give us an example.

MERLIN: What example? [sighs] Sometimes I hate being me.

HS: An example about seeing the future!

MERLIN: I never said you were frustrated.

HS: I’m not frustrated!

MERLIN: Oh, okay! I thought you didn’t want that.

HS: All I’m asking for is a simple prediction about the future.

MERLIN: What did you just tell me?

HS: I just told you!

MERLIN: Why are you so angry?

HS: Well, a little cooperation would be nice!

MERLIN: I’ll do the best I can.

HS: Then can’t you just tell me what I want to know?

MERLIN: I’ll be happy to help you.

HS: That would be good, because I would really like my questions answered!

MERLIN: Okay, then. Do you want to talk about something else? King Arthur, perhaps?

HS: No! Not at all!

MERLIN: How about I tell you your future? It’s usually the first thing people are interested in. Would you like to hear that?

HS: Yes, please.

MERLIN: Well, then, I think we should get started.

HS: Yes.

MERLIN: Hello, Merlin here. Is this the Squelch interviewer?

[Merlin hangs up.]