Critics and art enthusiasts across the country were stunned last week after noticing a drawing by 5-year old Shelly Atkinson, which all agreed was just a collection of kiddy drawing cliches lacking any real artistic insight.
48-year old veteran critic Delby Peeverson snorted and said, “am I supposed to be impressed that the kiddy had the imagination to make ‘Mommy’s’ lipstick red? I think I’m gonna barf.”
Tori Crabman agreed, “Is the sun actually smiling? And are those tired old M-shapes supposed to be far-off birds? I pray for this country.”
Critic Stanley Stickerman added, shrewdly, “So kiddy is blonde while mommy is a brunette and ‘dady’ [sic] has black hair? Either a recessive gene is playing hard to get, or someone was a-d-o-p-t-e-d.” “Yeah,” said Crabman, “or someone needs to go back to kiddy-school!”
“… I mean kindergarten,” he quietly added. “I’ll tell you what this picture is good for!” said seasoned critic and Jackson Pollock enthusiast Jack “Jackson” Eatman, moving the drawing up and down behind his bottom in a mock “wiping” motion, to the amusement and delight of the others. Peeverson added, “The only thing missing is some yellow below the ‘Delby’ character to indicate that he just retched, maybe after noticing the sheep labelled ‘puppy.’