Whites angered by Cal B-Ball Admissions Criteria

Darryl Whitman, a UC Berkeley freshman, is frustrated at what he calls the Cal basketball team’s racist admissions criteria. He was disappointed when he was dismissed on the first day of tryouts.

According to Coach Ben Braun, Whitman “lacked height and didn’t score well during practice games.” Whitman, who stands at 5′ 2″ and boasts a 4″ vertical leap, admits to scoring 6 points for the opposing team but argues that all students should be given the chance to excel regardless of how well they score. Instead, Whitman believes the admission criteria should include not only scores and statistics, but character, life obstacles, and socio-economic background. In fact, Whitman feels he can be an asset to the diversity of the Cal basketball team. He also says his parents are rich.

When interviewed, Whitman looked crushed as his dreams of playing for Cal went down the toilet. “Sure, I know I’m white, just like I know I have a hunchback and a club foot. But I thought Berkeley would accept my differences.”

Whitman’s father was equally disappointed, stating, “My son’s only dream was to be given an opportunity to play what he loves, a