If Everything in Life Were Like a Rejection Letter from Harvard Law School

Episode 1: Tetherball

Kid: Hey, guys. Can I play?

Other kid: After carefully reviewing your tetherball skills, we have decided not to let you play.

Kid: What tetherball skills? I just got here.

Third kid: We wish you the best of luck.

Kid: Ah, phooey.

Episode 2: The School Dance

Guy: Hi there. Would you like to dance?

Girl: I’m sorry, but an unprecedented amount of men have asked me to dance this evening. I’m very attractive.

Guy: What makes you think I’d want to hear that?

Girl: This in no way reflects a negative prediction on your success with other women.

Guy: Does that mean you have a friend for me?

Girl: No.

Guy: Ah, phooey.

Episode 3: Applying to Yale Law School

Yale Admissions Officer: I regret to report that we have decided to deny your admission to Harvard Law School.

Guy: Harvard? I thought this was Yale.

Yale Admissions Officer: Whatever. Good day.

Guy: Do you have a sister?

Episode 4: The Will

Attorney for the Estate of Guy’s Dad: [Reading Guy’s Dad’s will.] Unfortunately I am unable to leave anything to my son at this time.

Guy: What?

Attorney for the Estate of Guy’s Dad: With so many heirs it is sometimes necessary yet regrettable to deny inheritances to certain qualified individuals.

Guy: What the crap? I’m his only child and my mother’s dead!

Attorney for the Estate of Guy’s Dad: I wish you the best of luck in your future inheritance endeavors.

Guy: What does that even mean?

Episode 5: Death

Guy: Wait, don’t tell me. You’re not letting me in.

St. Peter: Well, I’m afraid we have a very limited number of spaces in here.

Guy: Don’t give me that. The Bible says Heaven is infinite.

St. Peter: The Bible says a lot of things.
[Guy plummets to the Gates of Hell.]

The Angel Gabriel: Welcome to the USC Law School of the Afterlife, you stupid bastard!

Guy: Ah, phooey.