Episode 1: Tetherball
Kid: Hey, guys. Can I play?
Other kid: After carefully reviewing your tetherball skills, we have decided not to let you play.
Kid: What tetherball skills? I just got here.
Third kid: We wish you the best of luck.
Kid: Ah, phooey.
Episode 2: The School Dance
Guy: Hi there. Would you like to dance?
Girl: I’m sorry, but an unprecedented amount of men have asked me to dance this evening. I’m very attractive.
Guy: What makes you think I’d want to hear that?
Girl: This in no way reflects a negative prediction on your success with other women.
Guy: Does that mean you have a friend for me?
Guy: Ah, phooey.
Episode 3: Applying to Yale Law School
Yale Admissions Officer: I regret to report that we have decided to deny your admission to Harvard Law School.
Guy: Harvard? I thought this was Yale.
Yale Admissions Officer: Whatever. Good day.
Guy: Do you have a sister?
Episode 4: The Will
Attorney for the Estate of Guy’s Dad: [Reading Guy’s Dad’s will.] Unfortunately I am unable to leave anything to my son at this time.
Attorney for the Estate of Guy’s Dad: With so many heirs it is sometimes necessary yet regrettable to deny inheritances to certain qualified individuals.
Guy: What the crap? I’m his only child and my mother’s dead!
Attorney for the Estate of Guy’s Dad: I wish you the best of luck in your future inheritance endeavors.
Guy: What does that even mean?
Episode 5: Death
Guy: Wait, don’t tell me. You’re not letting me in.
St. Peter: Well, I’m afraid we have a very limited number of spaces in here.
Guy: Don’t give me that. The Bible says Heaven is infinite.
St. Peter: The Bible says a lot of things.
[Guy plummets to the Gates of Hell.]
The Angel Gabriel: Welcome to the USC Law School of the Afterlife, you stupid bastard!
Guy: Ah, phooey.