Man Gives Up Celibacy for Lent

Berkeley’s Zeke Tyler, 22, is about to do the unthinkable: “I’m giving up not having sex for Lent,” Tyler declared Monday to a shocked gathering of friends. “Sex. For forty days and forty nights.”

Friends remain skeptical that the notoriously celibate Tyler, who hasn’t had sex for over two years, and hasn’t had a date in over six months, can succeed in his staggering act of willpower. “You think you can go forty days without not having sex?” best friend Troy Rubin cried incredulously at the announcement. “You won’t last a week!”

“Lent is all about making sacrifices, and not having sex has been a regular part of my life for a long time now,” stated Tyler. “I know it’s a challenge to give up not having sex, but I think I’m up to it.”

Matters are expected to be complicated by Tyler’s conniving ex-girlfriend, who has returned to his life with the express purpose of not having sex with him, thus threatening to keep him from meeting his goal.