Features
- Squelch Endorsements of the Future
- From the Desk of Michael Spaden III
- A Day in the Life of Ma-ti
- Disabled Students Program
- 5 Other Bigs
- The Downfall of James Bond: Fatherhood
- Lincoln/Kennedy Coincidences
- Hey, Rhino
- Hilary Duff vs. Lindsay Lohan: An Objective Look
- Words from the Top
Newsflashes
- Iraqi Prisoners Put On Freedom Play
- European Geography Clarified
- Morrissey to Not Use Sarcasm
- Architecture Building Collapses
- Deaf-mute Goes Over Cell Phone Minutes
- Jim Caviezel Asks for It
- Veteran Weeps Uncontrollably
- Dog Analogous to Capitalism
- Closeted Student Plots Homoerotic Shaming
