Squelch Endorsements of the Future

After watching the fallout of the 2004 election, the _Squelch editorial staff realized that the opinions of the California voters just don’t matter. So, in the spirit of meaningless political dribble, here are the Squelch‘s endorsements for state referenda of the future._

Year: 2006

Proposition 104: Fair Share for Indians GAA YES

This bill is that one what gives them lousy red-faced dice-rolling firewater drinkers a fair share of my fist.

Year: 2008

Proposition 35: Extend Sports Metaphors Further Into the Criminal Justice System GAA YES

This will extend the Three Strikes law into other areas, creating the infield fly rule for corporate governance, the hat-trick rule for abortion rights, and the 40-love rule for stem cell harvesting.

Year: 2010

Proposition 94: Re-re-re-re-re-legalize Gay Marriage GAA YES

We feel that gay citizens should enjoy the same legal rights and protections as their straight counterparts, at least for the 36 hours before this proposition is overturned.

Year: 2012

Proposition 228B: Indecent Proposition GAA NO, to save our relationship.

California needed the money, but how low would the state go to get it? He said it would be for one night only. He said he’d never come back.

He lied.

Year: 2014

Proposition 45: Stop Using Humans to Cure Stem Cells GAA NO

Year: 2016

Proposition 36: Outlaw Gaelic Marriage GAA YES

The Jesus-thumping conservatives might have gone a little too far on this one, but who are we to put them in their place?

Year: 2020

Proposition 79: Stop Resurrecting Reagan with Stem Cells GAA NO

Year: Jesus2 + 3

Proposition 117: Allocate $48 Billion to Treat Victims of Cell Phone Cancer GAA YES