Local dog Fido Proletariat achieved the dream of dogs and men alike yesterday, managing to catch his own tail for the first time after years of effort. Upon initially biting the tail, Fido growled with intense satisfaction and ground the appendage in his teeth as if to broadcast his domination to the whole of the earth.
As time went on, Fido barked confusedly, finding the euphoria of victory short-lived, and was ultimately left with only a hollow and lifeless mass within his own soul where the love of the chase had once resided.
He then spent several minutes barking ironically, then surreptitiously, and finally meretriciously and with great anger. It was at this point that Fido realized the moral bankruptcy inherent in capitalism’s struggle for material goods, and demonstrated his newfound hatred for bourgeois values by rolling around on a carpet and taking a crap.
