Hey, Rhino

The Poker Game

Zack: In your face, Zookeeper Jackson!
Zookeeper Jackson: Crap. Well, here’s the deed to my zoo. And the keys to my giraffe.
Zack: Uh, the key goes where, exactly?
Former Zookeeper Jackson: In the keyhole.
Zack: Right, of course. And the saddle?
Former Zookeeper Jackson: You can pry that from my cold, dead hands, boy.

King of the Zoo

Zack: And the animals all have to do whatever we say!
Phil: We could…we could make them do jumping jacks. We could make them all do jumping jacks!
Zack: Well, it’s a start.

My First Day

Zack: [via megaphone] Attention animals. I am your new master. You live with my blessing.
Zack: And you, rhino. You die at my command. Phil! [snaps fingers]
Phil: I’m on it, yo.

Phil: Dude, rhinos are hard to kill.

Phil: And, uh, Phils are easy to kill.

The Hospital

Doctor: Well, his condition seems to have stabilized. But in the future, I’m going to recommend that he not attack rhinos.
Zack: But GAA
Doctor: …Without this-a-here lucky rhino-stabbing knife.
Phil: [tap, tap, tap…]
Zack: Is that morse code?
Doctor: He’s saying “…rhino…mine…”
Zack: Phil, you have got balls of steel.
Phil: [tap, tap…]
Doctor: “steel…balls…needs…more…anis…anas…” You retard, can’t you even spell “anaesthetic”?

Let’s Not Do Anything We’ll Regret

Zack: Hey, I guess those goring wounds patched up nicely. Congrats, champ.
Phil: What the hell is wrong with you to make me attack a rhino? I just feel so angry. Makes me want to clench my lucky stabbing knife.
Zack: You mean your lucky rhino-stabbing knife. Maybe you oughta let me hold onto it.
Phil: Oh, sure. Just go ahead and grab it out of my lucky stabbing hand.
Zack: You mean GAA

Back at the Hospital

Zack: …Uhh, what happened? I can’t remember…
Doctor: Mr. Fornaca, you have a critical puncture wound. And a visitor.
Phil: [in rhino suit] That’s right. It was I, Rhino, who attempted to do you in. I am dastardly and should be served vengeance swift and merciless.
Zack: So it shall be.
Phil: [still a rhino] All right, well, see you later then.
Zack: Yeah, you will.
Phil: [as a rhino] I know… [snort]

The World’s Crippledest Samurai

[insert Wu cartoon here]

One Year Later

Phil: Do you ever think you’ll get sick of being king of the zoo?
Zack: Are you nuts? With a panda as my yes-man, spending my days fellated by geese, and alw–whoa, beak, beak–I– what? Look, I know it’s all beak. There’s good beak and bad beak.