The Poker Game
Zack: In your face, Zookeeper Jackson!
Zookeeper Jackson: Crap. Well, here’s the deed to my zoo. And the keys to my giraffe.
Zack: Uh, the key goes where, exactly?
Former Zookeeper Jackson: In the keyhole.
Zack: Right, … Read More
Phil: … This guy told me, when you do DMT, if you take the threshold amount, it’s
like “elves de-cloak and take you to fairyland.” It’s supposed to be so fucking weird,
right? But it seems totally real. And it … Read More
It has come to my attention that you have been, erroneously, under the impression that your son Roger is gay. If you two want to cry yourselves to sleep thinking that your pride and joy has, 20 years after leaving … Read More
For the second time in a week, my lawn has dog poop on it. I will remedy this, the only way I know how.
I have heard that chocolate is like poison to dogs. I do have a lot … Read More
Posting massive losses for the current financial quarter, Procter & Gamble has laid out cost-cutting plans for the coming year, including a retooled Secret Anti-Perspirant line promising no more than “the exact amount of strength a woman needs.”
P&G rep … Read More
Monologue Performed by Zack Fornaca
_[Zack walks up to counter] _
Zack: Hi. Rape me?
Cashier: One iced coffee coming up. To go?
Zack: Yeah, and absolutely no lube, OK?
Cashier: That’ll be $1.85.
Zack:… Read More
10:10pm. I was bored, so I left Apartment DISH and walked down Telegraph in search of cheap food. Outside Rasputin, slamming himself chest-first into the store window, was a homeless guy carrying a 6′ wide sign. I walked by, to … Read More
Once, when I was wee, Dad took me to the Museum of Science and Industry. The M of S & I, if you have never had the pleasure, is an institution rich not so much in tradition and wide-eyed wonder … Read More
Cafe Intermezzo customer Jerome Hill, who really doesn’t deserve this kind of abuse, ordered a sandwich & salad combo today, specifically asking for any and all sprouts to be omitted from both components of his otherwise standard order.
“No sprouts … Read More
College student and loving older brother Teddy Hubbard had yet another would-be casual seduction unravelled last night by interloping personal possessions furnished as gifts by his ironically minded little sister.
Hubbard had half-strolled, half-stumbled into his apartment with a beautiful … Read More
