College student and loving older brother Teddy Hubbard had yet another would-be casual seduction unravelled last night by interloping personal possessions furnished as gifts by his ironically minded little sister.
Hubbard had half-strolled, half-stumbled into his apartment with a beautiful woman on his arm, only to see things unravel like kite strings in a hurricane. Her aesthetic sense and reproductive selectivity staggered out from behind the drunken glaze of her face, took one look at Hubbard’s juvenile belongings, and immediately sounded some sort of feminine Defcon 5. Alarmed, the inebriated woman was sent into a panicked run and out of Hubbard’s arms forever.
Berkeley police brought several of Hubbard’s ironic possessions in for questioning. Suspects include a singing Kermit the Frog doll, the official Mandy Moore 2001 Wall Calendar, I Choose You! Pikachu, the Blue’s Clues Play-Along Kit and all three pieces of the three piece Electronic Banjo Band, recommended for children ages five and up.