Features
- King of Berkeley
- God, Middle School Teacher
- Words from the Top
- Forbes Presents: 2003’s Most Ill-conceived Business Ventures
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- Take off that fucking trucker hat
- A Berkeley Homecoming
- Relationship Advice!
- A Real Pro.
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Newsflashes
- Super Mario Has Super Overdose
- David Beckham Comes to America; Goes Home
- Local Man Completes Work on New Super-Weapon
- Fortress of Solitude Too Solitudinous
- Bum Saves Woman From CIA
- Women’s Sexuality De-Cal Walked in On
- Ostensible Fun Fact Turns Out to Be Terrifying Omen
- R&B Lyrics Too Implicit For Middle Schoolers
- Class Held Outside
- Daily Cal Announces New Advertising Policy
Top Tens
- Top Ten Cutest Things Ever
- Top Ten Worst Ways to Signal to Your Roommate That You’re in the Room Having Sex
- Top Ten Things a Sorority Girl Would Never Say
- Top Five Things Rarely Written by Skywriters
- Top Ten Films/TV Shows About the Taint
- Top Ten Saddest Things
- Top Ten Euphemisms for Sex with a Horse
- Top Ten Jewish Oldies
- Top Ten Nice Things to Say to Someone with a Terminal Disease
- Top Ten Least Effective Study Strategies
