David Beckham Comes to America; Goes Home

British soccer sensation and international superstar David Beckham traveled to the United States to greet his American fans. Both of them welcomed Beckham as his plane deboarded, but he eventually lost their attention to a nearby dog licking its own genitals.

At a nearby Denny’s, Beckham awkwardly hinted to the waitress, “Since my name happens to be David Beckham, I think I’ll have a B.L.T.” Beckham prepared for the waitress’s elation as she answered, “That’s strange, you’re not that Indian girl from that British soccer movie nobody saw.”

Beckham spent most of the week doing publicity work with fans, mostly taking pictures at a sporting goods store in New York City. Anybody who wishes to claim a photo of David Beckham with his arm around air should do so before the recycling community protests over wasted resources.

On his way back to England, the door hit his ass on the way out.