Class Held Outside

English GSI Kristine Broughton decided to hold class outside on the grass yesterday, betraying a complete lack of basic knowledge about meterology, human physiology, women’s studies, and plant biology.

‘It’s such a nice day out,’ Broughton reportedly said, ‘lets do this outside.’ Broughton, reportingly basing her ‘nice day’ concept on a blue sky, was unaware that the sun’s tilt in wintry months makes days colder despite clear weather.

Upon sitting down in the grass, Broughton was then made aware of ‘morning dew,’ a common property of grass, where moisture collects on blades overnight and burns off during the day.

Next, the warm bodies of her students gradually chilled, as prolonged inactivity caused their temperatures to drop. This was more pronounced in female students, many of whom were wearing inadequate clothing due to a patriarchial insistence on revealing attire.

Three died.