A Berkeley Homecoming

What if all of Berkeley’s heroes came to visit their adoring campus? Well, they’d probably like Top Dog, for starters.


STEVE: Hey, you know what’d be awesome? If we got all of our heroes to come to Berkeley.
JOSH: You mean, like, Gandhi? Or Marx?
STEVE: Or Che Guevara! I saw him on a shirt once.
JOSH: Wow, a shirt?
STEVE: You know, I still have that magic lamp with one wish left in it, and I’m kinda over the idea of a car made of hot women. I wish for all our heroes to magically–
JORDAN: Dude, Dave Matthews!
STEVE: Goddamit Jordan, you’re so high right now.

At the Airport

CHE GUEVARA: Power of Che Guevara!
KARL MARX: Power of Karl Marx!
MAHATMA GANDHI: Power of Mahatma Gandhi!
DAVE MATTHEWS: Power of the Beatles!
KARL MARX: You’re not the Beatles.
DAVE MATTHEWS: Part of me knows that.

Friendly Chatting

GANDHI: So Che, how was your flight in?
CHE: You know, coming from hell and all, I flew in on the burning vapor trails of a screeching cacodemon.
DAVE MATTHEWS: Guess you shouldn’t have flown Southwest! Zing!! [Silence]
DAVE MATTHEWS: C’mon, that was totally a zing! [Silence]
MARX: Oh look, they’re selling hemp jewelry.

_In the Dorms _

CHE: Hey, look at all these posters of me!
GANDHI: And me!
DAVE MATTHEWS: And me! [Pause]
MARX: Yeah, screw you guys. I’m going to the DC to get tacos.

_At a City Council Meeting _

GANDHI: Leaders of Berkeley, we come here from across time and space to solve all the problems of your fair city! We will bring a new age of civility, and development, and–
KRISS WORTHINGTON: We’ve got to stop construction of this cell phone antenna!
TOM BATES: What is it about the antenna?
WORTHINGTON: Well, for starters, it’s an eyesore–
MARX: Excuse me, we’re here to get rid of homelessness, traffic–
BATES: But what of the antenna?
WORTHINGTON: Yes, the antenna!
MARX: Forget the antenna. We’ve got bigger–
WORTHINGTON: I’m sorry, did you file a speaker card ten minutes prior to the meeting?
MARX: Well, no….
GANDHI: But we’ve crossed the very fabric of existence to…
BATES: No card, no speak. Now back to this antenna.

Leaving Berkeley

CHE: You know, for having miraculously come back to life to visit a thriving college campus, I feel like we really didn’t do much.
DAVE MATTHEWS: Didn’t do much… like a poli sci major! [Silence]
DAVE MATTHEWS: I’m going to go the bathroom. [Dave Matthews walks away]
MARX: Quick, let’s go to the DC… and get more tacos.