Features
- I’m a Liar
- Hubert, Legacy of a Hobo
- To Our Loyal Heuristic Squelch Reader:
- Angering God
- The Oregon Trail
- Mall Detective
- EECS Soccer!
- Sow Some Yams Already
- Words from the Top
- Fun Things I Would Do as a Ghost
Newsflashes
- Radical DJs Protest No Spin Zone
- Famous Professor Bad at Teaching
- Nader Kills 30, Still a Good Person
- President to Dress Like Ninja
- Tree in Forest Falls on Airhorn
- Man Unable to Find Prostitute With Heart of Gold
- Gay People Amusing
- Kobe Bryant to Donate Ego to Charity
- Computer Seduces Owner
- ASUC Illegally Allocates $10 to No-On-53 Campaign
Top Tens
- Top Ten Worst Ways to Defend Yourself in Prison
- Top Ten Least Effective Contraceptives
- Top Ten Responses Overheard at the Interviews for a New Chancellor
- Top Ten Things Jesus Would Never Say
- Top Two Things to Say When You’re Having a ‘Nam Flashback
- Top Ten Rejected Star Wars Action Figures
- Top Ten Action Movie Taglines
- Top Ten Underage Alcohols
