It’s not that I’m a liar, it’s just that I’m often tricked into lying. And nothing makes me lie more than conversing in a foreign language. Well, maybe dead whores.
Practicing verbal skills is essential in a foreign language class. During an exercise of similar design in a class of similar purpose, I recently ran into a similar situation detailed below:
Peer: Hast du in einem Dschungel gewohnt?
Me: [confidently] Yes.
Peer: You lived in a jungle?
Me: [confidently] …
There were two escapes from this situation. Either I say yes and lie my way out of it, or I say yes and jump through the closed window across the room. Lucky for the window, it was Thursday. And I don’t get glass in my eyes on Thursdays.
[In foreign language]
Me: Naturally. I slept in trees.
Peer: Amazing! Go on!
Me: I often played tigers and sometimes saw board games.
Peer: You are so chic!
Me: I am cool.
About that time, the teacher announced that it was time to share our partner’s honest and truthful experiences with the rest of the class. My inquisitor, of course, had the most interesting story to tell: Mine. She was eager to go first.
Peer: [enthusiastically] He lived in jungle and slept with tigers.
Teacher: [encouraging, expectant] Very good! [to me] How was living in the jungle?
There were about a million ways out of this situation, but all of them involved that pretentious window. And I wasn’t about to give it the satisfaction.
The class gasped in disbelief. Either that or they listened with indifference. In any case, I decided it was time to explain myself. I gathered my wits and crafted a concise response.
Teacher: [moving on] Great! Moving on-
Me: I would like you all to leave the hair in the bowl; penis.
But I said that in English, so then everyone was looking at me weird. It was probably the semicolon.