Kobe Bryant to Donate Ego to Charity

Los Angeles Lakers superstar Kobe Bryant announced Wednesday in a news conference that he will donate part of his gigantic ego to charity.

During the conference, a teary-eyed Bryant said, “I’m one of the greatest basketball players of all time, and it’s time that I start to share some of myself with the rest of the world. I mean that in a non-sexual, non-rape sort of way.

“Bryant’s donation will be sent to Ogden, Utah, yearly winner of the “America’s dumpiest name” contest. The biggest town success in the last five years was Ogden High Varsity Football winning their first game in 20 years, against Ogden High Junior Varsity.

Chip Miller, an Ogden resident, thanked Bryant for the ego and says that it will be much appreciated. “We need more celebrity athletes to rape people and donate things to other people in order to look innocent.”